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How To Do Really Bad Marketing in 2019

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How To Do Really Bad Marketing in 2019

In the current economic climate, if you’re running a business you’re probably facing one problem consistently. You’re just too successful. It seems you can barely even get to work in the morning without customers and clients hurling their money at you. Your profits are rising so quickly that you have to rescale all your line graphs to make them fit on the paper.

Clearly one area you can address to try and get your company through this troubled time is marketing. Marketing is your primary channel for communicating with your customers. When it goes well you can engage your customers and motivate them to not only try your product, but keep coming back to it.

However, with a few simple tricks you can turn this around so that potential customers ignore or are even completely alienated by your brand. Follow these tricks and in no time your profits will be down to a tiny, manageable dribble again.

1. Aim Your Marketing At EVERYONE

A lot of people think that this approach can actually help their business. After all, if someone asked you who you wanted to buy your product “Everyone” would be the best answer, so one of the main marketing jobs is to try and do that, right?

This is why it’s really clever way of providing some extremely poor marketing.

Remember that saying “You can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time”? That applies here, big time.

If you target your marketing at everyone, then you’re not actually targeting it!

On the other hand, if you spend time thinking about who would want to buy your product, and how you can appeal to them, then you can build a loyal customer base, being the first choice for one in ten people, rather than in the top ten choices for everyone. Which is really not what we’re trying to achieve here.

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2. Don’t Do The Research!

You are a business person. You know about business! You don’t need to ask the customers what they want, after all, what do they know? Aside from what they want from a product, how they use it, and how much they can afford to spend on it?

And you certainly don’t need to waste time looking at what your competitors are doing. You can just assume that whatever marketing you put out there will just crush them instantly.

Just go with common sense, gut feelings, and what seems like a good idea at the time.

3. Blindly Obey The Research!

Another alternative is to take your market research, chisel it into stone tablets and bellow its content at your marketing team in the deepest voice you can manage.

Treat your market research not as the results of a series of surveys and focus groups that might give you useful information, but as a holy text given forth from a great, infallible oracle.

Ignore any of its limitations, dangers like confirmation bias, or the fact that consumers don’t always know what they think about a given subject or what the reasons for their behavior are.

And consumers are always scrupulously honest, so no need to worry about them telling you anything false.

Just mindlessly do whatever the market research tells you to do.

4. USP? Schmoo SP!

To guarantee the customers keep coming in you need a unique selling point, or USP. This is the one thing that people can get from your business, but can’t get anywhere else. It can be the product you sell, or the way you service your customers, or even where you’re located. It can even be something more nebulous, such as the sort of lifestyle your product is associated with.

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So, you don’t need to worry about that. Just don’t think about it.

5. Expect Your Customers to Act Immediately

Basically, you need to treat your customers like lab rats, who’ll respond immediately when you prod their brains with electrodes.

When you put out at an advert, if it works your customers will jump out of their chairs and rush to buy your product straight away.

Therefore, if you’ve made a marketing effort and not seen an immediate jump in sales, assume it’s a failure and move immediately onto something else!

6. Once You’ve Got a Customer, You Can Ignore Them

The odds are that 80% of your business comes from existing customers and 20% comes from new customers. So obviously you need to put all your efforts into those 20%.

After all, those returning customers are already giving you money, and it’s not as if there’s plenty of other companies trying to persuade them to switch brands, is it?

If you follow all these tips, I can guarantee it will definitely have an effect on your sales.

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